got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
