Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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