So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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