I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
