the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
