Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
