Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize