She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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