This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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