i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
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If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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