theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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