i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
