We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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