Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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