... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
