I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
