I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
