dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
