today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
