I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
