but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
