hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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