I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
