After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
