Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
