You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
