I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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