his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
