please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
