I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
