Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
