ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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