I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
