I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
