the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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