if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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