dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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