Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
