I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
is wine microwaveable?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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