There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
