Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
