the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
