So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
