I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
