Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
