I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
