Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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