she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
