I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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