whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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