The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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