Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Randomize
