i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
