You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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