Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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