And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
