It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
