Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
