My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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