im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
