So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
