if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
