What did we do last night that was yellow?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
