Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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