You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
