Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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