this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
