These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
