Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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